Sex & Relationships

10 Signs You're Not in Love Anymore and You Should Walk Away

How to tell if you need to spice things up, or just throw in the towel.

Photo Credit: William Perugini / Shutterstock

After spending weeks or months or days with someone you really care about, it can be so painful and kind of brutal to admit that you might not be in love anymore. Like, what if you’re just bored? Or you need to spice things up? Or you’re just being an asshole? While it can be hard to give you a definite resolution to this problem, there have to be some signs you’re not in love anymore and should just walk away from that mess. And I have good news, because those signs exist.

Some of them are subtle and some of them are a little more obvious, but hey, whatever works to help you go from panicked to semi, sort of, kind of more sure about how you feel about the person you’ve been dating for however long.

That said, it still might not be crystal clear. Like, you might recognize some of these signs and not others, and some might be more severe than others. Some of these might be fixed by just talking about it, and others might be totally unfixable because your partner is a loser who can’t communicate. Oh, how fun thinking about this stuff is going to be!

But seriously, let’s examine these together before you panic and dump someone who actually might be OK. Or not.

Sometimes you feel like they don’t even like talking to you. 

You text them over and over again, but you get one word answers instead of the long-winded cutesy messages they used to send, which makes you feel like you’re a chore. And when they text you, you kind of don’t even want to reply. Not a great sign.

You don’t get butterflies anymore. 

That “omg, it’s my person!!!” feeling has been replaced by “shit is weird and I don’t feel so good and might need an antacid.”

All those quirks you told yourself were cute are now the grossest things you’ve ever seen. 

“Awww they’re adorably messy sometimes” has become “OMG CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING DISHES.”

You’ve stopped wanting to have sex. 

As a matter of fact, you don’t even really masturbate anymore. It’s like your vagina knows something is wrong and is on strike until you figure it out.

You don’t feel pretty around them.

Ugh, I have experienced this and I feel for you so hard if this is happening. It’s just that feeling you get where you’re thinking, “Are they even still attracted to me?” because your human is so spacey and weird and not affectionate anymore. It’s kind of terrible and definitely not cool long-term.

You just have a feeling something is missing. 

It might not be anything specific, but you know it’s not there. You know it’s gone. And you don’t know how to get it back.

You’re not even super attracted to them anymore. 

Like you know they’re hot, objectively. And their face didn’t magically change, but also it kind of did? Because your feelings are kind of muddled and meh, which for me, can sometimes actually change the way people appear to my eyes.

You’re more like friends who chill hang and less like a couple. 

Because you’re rooted in a genuine like for each other, which is great, but you’re also not like, “Yay I get to see them today. I’m gonna get all pretty and bring them cool stuff and I bet they’ll look so cuuuute,” and more like, “Hey, yeah come on in. You could literally be anyone. Whatever. Want some chips?”

Your friends treat you better than they do. 

This is so upsetting when it happens!!! But take heed, this is not how it should be. At the very least, they should treat you about the same, but in a perfect world, your person should treat you better than anyone (OK, maybe with the exception of your best friend). If they’re not even treating you as well as a friend you don’t see that often and aren’t dating, nope.

They forget about things that were really important to you because they don’t seem to care.

Once one or both of you just silently stops giving a shit about each other’s lives, it’s time to have a serious chat.

While I don’t wanna advocate for you tallying these up and being like, “Fuck you, Debbie, I’m out!” it’s also worth examining these things and how, all added up, they could spell out a very good reason to end things, for both your sakes. YOLO, etc.



Lane Moore is senior features editor at The Frisky, as well as a standup comedian, musician and filmmaker. 

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