Sex & Relationships

Nearly 40 Percent of American Workers Masturbate on the Job

Work can be stressful.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock / Lopolo

Aside from crying silently at our desks, avoiding eye contact with our coworkers and occasionally doing our jobs, how are we passing the time at work? The short answer is, with masturbation—at least, according to a poll from Time Out New York. The (fairly informal online) survey found that across gender and sexuality, 39 percent of Americans masturbate while on the job.

Time Out writer Jyllian Anthony found that people’s reasons for masturbating while working—not that people necessarily always have a specific reason—differ pretty wildly. Boredom and stress relief ranked highly. But the list goes on:

"I’m just a horny lady,” one woman wrote….“It was usually to cure my massive hangover,” one gent replied. “I’d pretend to have stomach problems, crank one out in like four minutes and be back to slinging margaritas.” Think about that next time you’re at the bar. Another said, “If you get on a sex app like Grindr, and you have guys asking you to take naughty pictures and telling you what they want to do to you, it tends to…distract you.” People do it it in private bathrooms, but also ones with multiple stalls (“I can masturbate rather quietly,” said one responder).

A recent Ravishly article pointed to a 2014 analysis conducted by DeskTime, a productivity measuring app. “The most productive people work for 52 minutes, then break for 17 minutes,” researchers found. The list of recommended ways to spend that 17-minute respite included eating, talking to colleagues and watching cat videos. (“It’s proven that by looking at cute pictures of cats and dogs, you become more productive,” they write.) Masturbation doesn’t actually appear among the suggestions, but maybe it’s implied.

Vice did a recent survey of people who admitted masturbating at work, and one woman who said she’d indulged as an "act of rebellion" offered a contemplative reason against self-loving in the office. "Not because of morals or propriety or whatever," she stated, "but because masturbation isn't something you want to do hastily at the same place you hate going to every day."

 

 

Kali Holloway is a senior writer and the associate editor of media and culture at AlterNet.

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